To infinity and beyond!
This is the beginning of my attempt at making sense of all the awesome,weird,crazy and confusing thoughts that my mind excels at manufacturing. There is no particular genre . So be prepared for anything from the US election(which i will write about since i’m planning to do my masters there) to the best Norwegian or Korean TV shows. So, here goes….
For as long as I can remember, I have never understood how some people make friends so easily and honestly have been quite jealous. I have always been a dependent person when it comes to relationships outside family. I don’t know if my understanding of friendship is wrong or twisted, but I surely do not like the after feeling when I realize I am just pushing them away by being too dependent (That’s why blog :P).
It doesn’t matter if the person is a man or a woman, I turn into an attention-hungry leech. I will depend on this friend for my happiness in life, which may include things like getting through the day feeling like someone cares or just being able to call them whenever I feel down. Isn’t that what friendship should be about? I am equally ready to be there for them, I assure you. Although I have known that everyone has their own opinion/perspective about things, I have realized that everyone likes their space. Misinterpretation of feelings has caused problems in my life from a far back as I can remember. If only we knew what that other person truly felt.
This “challenge” (Not a problem) has inhibited my ability to make many long-lasting friends. That’s interesting, because I am at my happiest self when I am with other people. I know from experience that family cannot always fill every gap in your life, no matter how much they love you. There are certain things, like having another person relate to your problems, having someone who understands what you are going through, having someone who can give you a different perspective, someone who doesn’t always think that the most rational choice is the best choice, you can’t get these with family.
I know that there are a lot of people who are emotionally independent. These are the people who don’t feel the need for that feeling, the feeling of wanting to feel loved, the feeling of wanting to be there for others, the feeling of wanting to get closer and closer. I honestly wish I was one of them, then I wouldn’t have to wrestle so many thoughts about things that the other person would not even dream about.
I find it a need nowadays, to constantly remind myself to back off and give the person the space they need while assuring them that you are there if they need you. I have come to accept that this is just how I am, and nothing is wrong with me. I feel this is a huge step in the right direction.
The way I am going to handle this is just make Pramod #1. Just focus on myself and my growth. Whenever I want to take decisions, I will take that one that puts my interests on top. I will not depend on other people for love or comfort, I will not compromise(Unless it is in my best interest to do so) but reside with the knowledge that even if I fail in life, even if I am having to live on the streets, I will always be there for me.
Writing this gave me more comfort than you can imagine.
Live long and prosper.
Edit:
Reader input – The friends people make are mainly of 3 types i feel… One kind is of the fleeting kind where they are just peers or colleagues but to call them that is deemed by society as hurtful. It is so because being peers is not enough, it gives a sense of distance that is uncomfortable to everyone. When your peer introduces you to a third person (lets say me), he calls you his friend and not peer as he doesn’t want to embarrass or hurt you in front of me… The second kind is the durable kind but only when your lives make you traverse paths together for a sufficient period if time (college, school, job).. These are the ones you wouldn’t call on a holiday but you do enjoy their company a lot and spend quality time with them when together… You can share most of the things with them but not all…. I think the last type, the best/closest friends stand the test of time and within a lifetime, if we can have like 5 of them, we should count our stars lucky and be grateful… These are ones you go back to even when there’s no logical reason to.. They hear and feel you and you them.. This lasts forever.
I am walking around the Ooty race course as I am typing this, wondering how to start. The reason I write is primarily to quiet my mind and focus on something, but the prospect of the reader enjoying it and finding it refreshing or relatable in some sort of way also makes it worthwhile. I believe that the quality of an adventure blog is determined by how much it appeals to the reader and it can have that effect only if the readers can see themselves in that exact same situation. Alright then, let us begin ! Continue reading “Serenity, Mountains and Strangers”
You want a break? Head for the mountains !
The last time I went on a trip with my family was over 5 years ago to Kerala . A random passing thought I voiced out at home got an unusually positive feedback. It’s funny when the fear of missing out brings everyone together .
Our decision to go to Ooty was not motivated just by the tranquility , lush green mountains and a chance of escape from our monotonous loops Continue reading “The Nilgiris break();”
The path of Presence
It is very tough to get out of a mental state where you blame yourself for everything and quite frankly the stress and the continuous barrage of thoughts just eats up your happiness and transforms you into someone you don’t even recognise anymore. The deep dark hole only gets deeper when you start pushing people away even when they reach out to you( You know who you are).
The mind just needs a gateway and pretty soon you’ll go from ‘He didn’t wave because I didn’t reply to his text’ to ‘Nobody wants me here, I am such a bad friend.’ Whatever happened , whosever fault it was , what is the best possible thing you can accomplish by thinking about it?. Prove that you are not at fault? And where will that get you?. Just let it go . If it is meant to happen , it will. Even if you do voice out your perfectly logical explanation, you are just proving that you are a better friend which will eventually cause an imbalance that could ruin a relationship. Friendship is all about accepting the other’s mistakes , their eccentricities and love them regardless.(Oh! The irony! :D)
After reading an article on Eckhart Tolle , the approach I’ve decided to take is not one of pondering on the paths that your alternative decisions could have resulted in or of getting anxious about the ” fall short ” situations in the future but of just being aware and IN THE MOMENT . Like, where is your mind now? Are you aware of the chair you are sitting on or the room you are in? Do you notice the rise and fall of your breath? .
One other thing that helps in this process towards loving yourself is appreciating what you have . Being thankful for a home, loved ones, the opportunity to study , delicious food and a million other things. This approach will not only save a lot of your mental energy but will make you more HAPPIER. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?
What do you think? Any input is appreciated.
Disclaimer : Any relation found to real people is purely coincidental. (:P)
“I used to think this place was all about pandering to your baser instincts, but now I understand, it doesn’t cater to your lowest self, it reveals your deepest self, it shows you who you really are.”
(the image is based on Leonardo Da Vinci’s “Vitruvian Man” — which is the image of a man in perfect proportion within a circle)
There are very few TV shows in the world that can get you so involved in the story that you have to post a blog on them. Continue reading “WESTWORLD”
No seriously…why?
Who in their right mind would vote for a person who has openly disrespected women? A businessman who has never held any political office.EVER. Here’s my view…. Continue reading “Why Americans voted for Trump”
A view of Life through my Kaleidoscope 